November 3, 2011

Macho Man & Strike Force vs. Honky & Hart Foundation STEEL CAGE MATCH!

Now this is the old school wrestling that I know and love!

From the Boston Garden in 1988, Intercontinental champion The HonkyTonk Man teams up with former tag team champions The Hart Foundation (Bret "Hitman" Hart and Jim "The Anvil" Niedhart to take on number one contender Randy "Macho Man" Savage and new tag team champions Striker Force (Tito Santana and Rick Martel) in a six-man STEEL CAGE match.

Not only is this a great pairing between rivals inside of a cage but here's some old school elements that make this match better:

1 - It's an old school cage. What do I mean by that? After Wrestlemania 2 where Hulk hogan defended the title against King Kong Bundy in the main event - the WWE adopted the big blue cage. Ironically - that cage is NOW known as the "classic cage". But I was always a fan of the mesh - probably because it was made of the same chain linked fence that I'd slam the kids head into at the school yard. For some reason, this type of cage brings more realism to the thought of being incarcerated in the ring. The WWE has since brought back the old mesh - but something just isn't right about it. Maybe it's the fact that it's suspended in the air through out the entire show and the suspension cables stay onwhile the match is in progress - thus giving anyone who scales the cage additional support. I also popped for the mini-intermission we'd get to have the cage built for the main event... I got a great "Tales From The Booker" story that I'll tell one day about that.

2 - There was no referee in the cage! This is huge for me because the point of having a cage match is because it is supposed to be the most violent way to end a feud. There should NEVER be a referee or an option for a pinfall inside the cage. The point of having a cage is that because of the severe threat of mutilation and danger that it poses - you're supposed to escape the cage. These guys don;t want to be locked in there like two wild animals bleeding all over the place and leaving chunks of flesh embedded into the steel. They are trying to break out through the door or escape over the top because nothing else can save them from this vile nightmare. Having a ref there kills the illusion and having pinfalls int he cage is a cheap victory that could have easily been contested without the element of career ending danger.

3 - Speaking of stipulations - in this match up, all three team members had to escape the cage to be declared the winners. So it left scenarios open to where two team member could escape but leave one behind to take on three opponents. If this match had been booked today - it would have been one fall to a finish. The first man who escapes wins it for the team. The fact that this match was designed to have all three of them escape to secure the victory added so much more to the drama.

4 - This is a fantasy match up. It shows the strength of the Jimmy Hart stable, where only a few months earlier the Harts had the tag straps around their waist along with Honky as the IC champion. It shows that a stable also offers power by numbers. On the flip side - Macho Man is a face teaming with the highly popular tag team champions. Having Strike Force along side Savage is yet another endorsement for Savage who had just recently turned face.Yet, there is so much irony as only two years earlier - Savage was in a bitter feud with Tito Santana over the IC title, not to mention that Savage had defeated Santana in the same ring and same arena for the strap. It's the small things you have to appreciate.

Can you dig it!?!

**Article "Borrowed" From: DieHard Pro Wrestling

November 2, 2011

X-Pac Talks SEX

Another great clip from Kayfabe Commentaries with Sean "X-Pac" Waltman during a YouShoot DVD filming - where they discuss the taboo subject of SEX.

Who did you sleep with? What was it like sleeping with her? Fuck/Marry/Kill Game. And much more is discussed in this clip.

Nice to see a guy like Waltman be so honest and open about EVERYTHING he's done in the business - sometimes providing some graphic and vile details that makes the viewer feel like they were actually there to experience it. Give the guy credit for not trying to cover up his demons, his antics and his habits. There are far too many that take these great compelling stories to the grave - or hide behind their celebrity. This is the kind of shit that people crave. THIS is the supermarket tabloid for pro wrestling. And you know that you love every minute of it!

HonkyTonk Man Drops A Deuce on Hitman and HBK

Say what you will about Wayne Farris aka HonkyTonk Man - but he's never held anything back and is one of the most honest interviews you'll ever see int he pro wrestling business. Sure his ring work may have been limited - but his psychology was on the money. And as the years pass, it appears as if ring work is the ONLY thing that qualifies to make a wrestler and the art of psychology has been long gone.

Kayfabe Commentaries recently did another YouShoot interview with the former WWF Intercontinental champion and in this excerpt, HTM puts the shake, rattle and roll on the work ethics of hall of famers Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels.

On a side note, do you think it was the HonkyTonk Man's mouth that is preventing him from being inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame? I'll admit that I was left scratching my head when it was announced that Koko B. Ware was being inducted into the Hall of Fame - and an even bigger shock to hear that it was the HonkyTonk Man that was inducting him in. Shouldn't it have been the other way around? Come on WWE, he's rightfully deserving of the honor! Don't be cruel!

Fear and Loathing in Piper's Pit

How can anyone take this clip seriously at all? First off, Ted Arcidi was a straight up jabrone! What did he ever accomplish in the WWE? Better yet, other than the WrestleMania 2 battle royal, can you name any other matches he had? Any other programs or feuds? What did this guy do during his run? I have no clue - but I do have a good guess what he did with his money. Other than steroids, I'd say Ted Arcidi was a big fan of coke! Not Coca-Cola...Coca-caina!

I'm sure we've all heard the stories of Roddy Piper and how he'd take take down a mountain of ya-yo like Tony Montana. but the Hot Rod is a legend, an icon, a hall of famer. Ted Arcidi? JABRONE!

It's pretty hysterical to see how Piper reacts to Arcidi while on his binge. What's even funnier is that Arcidi was being built up as a big babyface and here he is on the Pit hugging and loving on the ultimate heel Piper. What sense did that make? Nevertheless, how the hell did that make TV? You just gotta love the good ol' days of pro wrestling!

Savage/Hitman Promo vs. Flair/HBK - "You Gotta Be Bold To Wear The Gold"

Oooooh yeah! A rare tag team match up pitted the four biggest names int he WWE at the time. Prior to SummerSlam 1992 - heavyweight champion Randy Savage teamed up with intercontinetal champion Bret Hart top take on their two arch nemesis' Ric Flair and Shawn Michaels.

Hart and Michaels were tearing the roof the buildings at house shows with a series of title matches - some even ladder matches, while Savage and Flair extended their WrestleMania 8 feud for another 5 months before regained the title immediately after the SummerSlam PPV.

Now if you're looking into the timeline of events - take a look at how these four wrestlers are related. And when I say related, I don;t mean by family - I mean by booking. This is proof that the WWE USED TO book almost a year in advance and had a firm grip on the direction they were going as opposed to the shitfest they produce now.


January 1992 - Flair wins the Royal Rumble under the first and only stipulation that the winner would be awarded the vacated title. The following week, it's announced that Hulk Hogan will challenge Flair at WrestleMania, only to be changed a few weeks later to Flair vs. Randy Savage as co-main event at Mania.

Meanwhile at the same event, Roddy Piper substitutes for a very ill Bret Hart in a sanctioned rematch and defeats The Mountie for the Intercontinental title. Piper vs. Hart is also established for Mania 8.

April 1992 - Savage defeats Flair for the title at WrestleMania, and Hart defeats Piper for the IC title. Hogan immediately leaves the company but the Ultimate Warrior returns.

April 1992 - July 1992: Savage defends the title against a few shitty opponents, while Flair and manager Mr. Perfect are still hot on Savage's tail. Rather than pair up Savage and Flair in another program - bookers decide to cash in on the Warrior vs. Savage history that was last seen at Mania 7 when Warrior retired Savage. To make matters interesting now - both Warrior and Savage are fan favorites while Flair and Perfect are still major factors in the equation.

Hart is defending the IC title against even more shittier opponents like Skinner, Repo Man and Papa Shango - but the fans demand more matches between Bret hart and Shawn Michaels who also have a history stemming from both tag team and singles encounters.

August 1992: Warrior vs. Savage is booked in the main event - with the sub-story of who will Mr. Perfect influence. Ric Flair is not booked on the card but you know that creatively - he's the puppet master pulling Mr. Perfect's strings. Michaels has an interesting yet meaningless match with Rick Martel - but proves that he is in fact championship material. Hart defends and loses the IC title to brother-in-law Davey Boy Smith in one of the greatest matches in wrestling history.

September 1992 - Not even two weeks out of the SummerSlam PPV, Savage drops the title back to Flair with the help of Mr. Perfect and newcomer Razor Ramon. Hart is still in limbo after dropping the title but with the momentum of the match - bookers start working on what to do with him next before the white hot flame goes out.

October 1992 - In a VERY RARE non-televised match, Hart is booked to upset and defeat Flair for the heavyweight title. Savage and Warrior form a tag team, The Ultimate Maniacs. Shawn Michaels is primed as the number one contender to Davey Boy Smith's IC title - and then ultimately wins the title later that month.

November 1992 - Savage & Warrior are booked to face Flair & Razor Ramon at Survivor Series, and Bret Hart was scheduled to defend the heavyweight title against Shawn Michaels. Michaels is white hot at the time and creative doesn't want to kill his momentum. The match stays intact as champion vs. champion but only Bret's heavyweight title is defended int hematch. That way - Bret comes off his first first PPV title defense with a clean win and even though Shawn lost clean, he lost to the heavyweight champ yet remains IC champ.

Meanwhile, Warrior abruptly leaves the company forcing Savage to find a new partner. As a shock to many, Mr. Perfect leaves camp Flair and returns to action to square off against Flair and Ramon. And the rest is history!

Randy Savage, Bret Hart, Ric Flair, Mr. Perfect, Shawn Michaels - FIVE GUYS! Yes, I am excluding Hogan, Warrior, Piper and Davey Boy because they were merely stepping stones in the equation. Back to my original point - FIVE GUYS!!! From January 1992 to November 1992 - almost a full year. There was epic storytelling. There was genius booking. There weren't any meaningless moments or matches, or extended plots to the storylines. There was just REAL wrestling that hinged on the emotions of the fans and got the best work out of everyone involved. No one grew tired of what they were watching. It was well paced and it was effective. And THIS is how good solid booking and storytelling is done.

Now take any storyline/angle today and show me how you can run a year long program with just five guys that doesn't get watered down and tiresome over the course of an entire year. Show me how you don't kill the desire to follow with the same thing week after week with everyone mixing it up on TV and PPV. There is a true art to booking that's been lost much like managers, tag teams and even the intercontinental title scene. The more and more I look at today's product, I'm forced to agree with Vince Russo - the title is nothing more than a prop in the story. Damn, I hate wrestling today!

**Article Jacked from DieHard Pro Wrestling

WWF Saturday Night's Main Event Halloween Party (1985)

There's just something about Vince McMahon and his obsession with shitty comedy that irks me to another level. He's like that creepy clown from McDonalds who looks like he likes to diddle children after luring them in with a happy meal. Now that I mention it - it might have something to do with their last names starting in "Mc"....McMahon...McDonalds...McDiddles??? Hmmm - think about it. This is starting to sound like an episode of Law and Order: SVU!!!

Anyway - back to the original scheduled programming. In this video clip - Vince McMahon lives out one of his fantasies as he dresses up his employees in some ridiculous Halloween outfits, as if seeing men in tights wasn't arousing enough.

I will admit that as a kid, I did get a massive erection seeing Elizabeth in something that DIDN'T look like she was going to the homecoming dance. As for Vinnie Mac, some of these choices were a bit questionable.

Savage had to look a bit pimp in order to agree to let Liz look a little slutty. I get it! He Tarzan. She Jane. And both swinging from Vince's meat vine. King Kong Bundy as Abe Lincoln? Seriously? He'd be better off dressing like a fat white girl that attracts black guys. The Hillbilly trio as the Three Musketeers? All they had to do was wear their normal clothes and they'd be the squealing rapists from Deliverance. How may times do you think Vince Mac dropped his pants and "hulked up" his quarter pounder to the visions of Hogan dressed as Hercules?

I see Vince McMahon as the type of freak that has those Eyes Wide Shut wife swapping parties. The only problem is that his wife Linda looks like Barbara Bush - some old ugly wrinkled bitch with one foot in the gave!

On a positive note, if I had to give away an award for the best costume, it would be to the Iron Sheik and Nikolia Volkoff for their impersonation of Batman and Robin. The Shiek looks like a Luis Guzman or a fat Puerto Rican Tom Selleck and Volkoff looks like the fat overgrown retard from There's Something About Mary. That alone is worth the price of admission.

October 7, 2011

Boycott WWE Scriptwriters - Watch & Learn From Muraco!

Remember the good ol' days when pro wrestling didn't have script writers? Well I've been a wrestling fan for over 30 years and most of you are probably half my age and think that Austin 3:16 and DX were the golden and most historic days in pro wrestling.

I'm talking about the days when wrestlers came up with their own gimmicks and were able to design their own matches - and most of all, cut their own promos. The promos had passion back then. They felt real. They would engulf you in their world with no escape. that was REAL wrestling.

One of the great promo guys back in the day was The Magnificent One himself, Don Muraco. Muraco didn't dress is silly gear. He wore his street clothes and looked like an everyday average joe. But when he got in the ring, he was a beast! When he cut a promo, you had to see his match. He didn't need a manager to get him over. he didn't have to cheat to win. He was as tough as they came and a threat to all titles. But when he was on the mic, you wanted that match to happen now. you were convinced he was going to do exactly what he said, and by the time the match was over - win , lose or draw - you know he tried to live up to every word he spewed. Nothing was said in a promo for cheap pops. He said it because he meant it - even if it meant shitting on Mexican's to set off Tito Santana. How great is this promo where he tells his opponent, "I've thrown every 'chicano' insult I could throw your way..."

For those of you who are starting out in this business - watch and learn on how it is SUPPOSED to be done!!! And don't let the script writers who were never wrestling fans to begin with dictate what comes out of your mouth. If you're going to let them do that, then I'll come over and show you how should be fucking your girlfriends and wives.

Greg Valentine HATES Black People

I'm not trying to pull a Kanye West and tell America that a white man doesn't like black people - Greg Valentine is doing that for me! Don't blame me. It's not a matter of opinion. This comes straight from "The Hammer's" mouth!

In promo leading into an Intercontinental title defense against The Junkyard Dog, Greg Valentine refers to his opponent as a "nasty black man" and describes how he's going to rub his face against the mat and leave black spots all over it.

Now I don't know how this passed through the censors and made the TV cut - perhaps they were wrasslin' down south where lynching black people is a normal Sunday family activity. but the look on Mean Gene Okerlund's face is priceless! Look at how many times he looks off camera to see if they need to cut the promo short or start over. After Valentine says it for the third or fourth time, Mean Gene looks like he wants to clarify that he's not associated with this "crazy ass cracker".

A few short weeks ago, CM Punk got into some serious heat for cutting a promo at a WWE live event and calling a fan "gay". Why didn't all the black people rise up and start rioting when this aired on TV? Where was Rev. Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson to protest? Why didn't the Junkyard Dog take a chunk out of Valentine's big white ass? Why didn't Mcmahon fire Valentine??? - oh, right! Because McMahon must have been too busy laughing. Another racist douchebag. I'm surprised Vince didn't call Valentine into the office and say, "Hey Hammer! I have this great idea. Do away with that knock off Flair robe and start walking to the ring in this white sheet. You'll get a ton of heat from the fans. You may also get shot or stabbed, but it'll be good for business".

On the flip side to the coin - how great would it be to see promos like this TODAY? What kind of "holy shit" moments would we see on RAW of Vince took them off the scripting writing leash and let them cut hardcore stereotype promos? Because America's asshole is so tight, I guess we'll never see the day. But at least we'll always have this.

Hulk Hogan vs. George 'The Animal" Steel (1984)

Whenever I see George Steele, I think of that hairy fucker who would eat the turnbuckles, who ate a stack of green apple Now and Later's before his matches to make his tongue look like he had it jammed up a leprechaun's ass, who had a raging erection for Miss Elizabeth, and who carried around a stuffed animal like he was Michael Jackson with pet chimp. Did I mentioned he couldn't wrestle worth a shit.

But he played the role. He was billed as an animal and he worked as one. You can't expect much more. Wanna see some funny shit? Check out his matches against Kamala!

In any case, because he was an animal (of sorts), because he was a heel, and because he had a heel manager to put him over - I guess he was considered an early threat to Hulk Hogan's title. It's a little awkward watching Steele clash with Hogan, but if you watched Steele's matches with Bruno Sammartino - you can tell it could hold his weight in the main event. Here, not so much! But hey, at least creative had sense enough to turn him face about a year later and that fuzzy fucker got a lot more work for years to come.

Randy Savage & Jesse Ventura vs. Saturday Morning Jobbers

If there's one thing that I pop for, it's old school throwbacks to Saturday morning wrestling from the early/mid-80's. As a kid, I'd wake up, jump in front of the tube and watch these guys WRESTLE (not entertain) with pure psychology. It was not about the MATCH - not the promo, or the storyline, or the corny inside jokes.

The other thing I popped for was the tag team pairings for no rhyme or reason. Sure there was some type of connection between the teammates, but there were some times where i was scratching my head wondering you put this shit together. the thing is that it wasn't shit. it was classic. it was rare. It was fantasy booking that I might have thought up myself when I wrestled with my G.I. Joes. Yeah - I had matches with my Joes. With the swivel arms and bending knees, I could do a lot more than with those big rubber bulky fuckers LJN put out.

Anyway - this sends me back in time because it makes me recall my first ever live wrestling match in 1985. I begged my father to take me to Madison Square Garden, but there were no shows scheduled for that time - so we ended up going to Nassau Coliseum in Long Island instead. The main event had Hogan defending the strap against Jesse Ventura. Pretty solid match for its day. Ventura was considered an overrated jabrone at the time, but it was a match that wasn't heavily billed or not much stock put into it. What I didn't understand at the time is that Ventura was being used to get somebody else over...and it wasn't Hogan.

Hogan and Ventura wrestled right before intermission. Hogan won by DQ after Randy Savage ran in and busted Hogan open with the title. Blood everywhere and as Gorilla Monsoon would say, "Pandemonium!". Intercontinental champion Tito Santana raced down tot he ring and made the save.

Savage had just arrived on the WWF scene and I knew NOTHING about him. On this night, he wrestled the "popcorn match" - which is the match immediately after intermission. So naturally, I was missed most of the match because I was getting guessed it, popcorn (and probably a foam finger - ever try fingering a girl with one of those things??? That's a whole other story!)

When I was getting back to my seat mid-match, I look down and see Savage climbing the turnbuckle about to deliver his infamous elbow drop. I was hooked! In one night, this dude beat down Hogan, busted him open and flew off the top rope with a vicious elbow as his finisher! Yeah - I was an instant Macho Mark! But just as I'm popping my father's ear off after that elbow drop, Savage grabs the house mic and says, "If Hulk Hogan could see me now!". I fucking lost it! He busted Hogan open with strap giving the champ a blinding crimson mask - and now Savage makes reference to the severity of the blood in this five second promo! WOW! Blown-the-fuck-away!

Later that night, The Fink comes out to announce the card for the next event which was... you guessed it...Hogan/Santana vs. Savage/Ventura!!! I begged my father for tickets and he said, "You know how much that shit costs? We'll catch another one at The Garden."

I didn't get to see the tag match and always wondered what a Savage/Ventura pairing would be like. What would their heel chemistry be? Who would hit their finisher an score the pin for the team? Well, after nearly 30 years of waiting... I finally got to see it through this video. So walk with me down memory lane. Sure, it's not against Hogan and Santana - but beggers can't be choosy. And for those wondering, I just emailed this post to my father with the subject line saying, "Look what I fuckin' missed in 1985!!!"